THE RIOT DIARIES

Forward to September...

August 31st

Flossom is taking her ‘super modeling’ status very seriously.
“And this move”, she explained to the Abbysinnians, “is called the Yedonista Sedentaria”.
Zeuss looked at me as I sat down to watch, “Roughly translated as The Drunken Frog” he said.

 

August 30th

Flossom has been on a diet.
In keeping with her new status as one of NZ’S Next Top Cat Top Ten Models, her diet has to be strict.
I caught her in the middle of the kitchen on her way to the food bowls.
“What do you think you’re doing? I asked.
“Who?” said Flossom.
“You”
“You who?”
“What?”
“You who who?”
This was getting ridiculous, “Flossom”, I said, I caught you about to steal some food out of the bowls”.
“How?” she asked?
“How what?”
“How what what?”
I gave up.
Flossom resumed her stealthy approach towards the food bowls.

August 29th

Flossom is tinkering on the edge of fame.
She even has her own ‘Facebook’ page.
She paused during her morning workout to glare balefully at Zeuss.
“Did you fax The Agency?” she asked.
Zeuss looked at me, I looked at Grommart, Grommart looked at the sky.

“What agency?” said Zeuss.
“THE Agency”
“Huh?”
“The agency that works for me”.
“Why would I fax them?”
“Because that’s what managers do” said Flossom rolling her eyes.
“So, what should I be faxing THEM EXACTLY?”
“Stuff”
“What stuff?”

“The stuff you fax them” Flossy said, finishing her move and washing a paw.
“Oh THAT stuff” said Zeuss, looking at me while circling a paw around an ear. “Yes” he added, “all done”.
“Well done that cat” said Floss.

 

August 28th

A few months ago, unbeknown to us, Flossom entered a modeling competition; NZ’s Next Top Cat Model. Now it appears, she has become one of the top ten finalists!

She gave an interview to the newspaper – “It’s not easy being a top meowdol” she declared, causing Zeuss and me to raise to raise our eyebrows somewhat.

She stretched out on the floor, demonstrating one of her yowga moves, “One has to watch what one is about to eat” she continued, “Least it run away”.

Asked how she remained looking so fresh after what must have been a tiring campaign,  , she said that she felt her de-stressing regime definitely helped maintain her youthful appearance,  saying she makes a point of relaxing and stretching in the sun as much as possible.

August 25th

Nibbler has returned to full work after a long break.

The dogs are coming with us while we boosting His Nib’s fitness and the rides are fairly short.
We were bowling down the road at a fair pace when Nibbler suddenly slammed on his breaks and refused to move forward. “What the?” I said, “SHHHHH – over there”, whispered Nibbler dramatically gesturing to a pile of wood that hadn’t been there the previous day. “You’re kidding”, I said.
“You can never tell what’s behind something like that” said Nibbler bouncing around a bit for added effect.
I sent the dogs on past it. “There”, I said, “the dogs survived”.
Nibbler heaved a big sigh and sidled past the wood pile sideways. “OK”, he said, “but you can’t be too sure”.

We hadn’t gone far when there was a rustle of bushes and an inquisitive alpaca popped his head through followed by 5 more. Nibbler leapt backwards and tried to spin and run, “OH MY GAWD”, he roared, “We could be killed!”

“They’re Alpacas, Nibbler”.
“They’re Insurgent Alpacas, where are my body guards?” he yelled,
The ‘Body Guards’ were busy sniffing for rabbits in a nearby field. I called them over and motioned them to go on forward.
The Alpacas followed the dogs down the fence line.

“They’re wearing camouflage gear” said Nibbler; “the dogs didn’t even see them”. It was true they hadn’t seemed to notice them. “Do Alpacas eat dogs?” he asked somewhat too hopefully.

We eventually arrived home and Nibbler was able to make a report to the other horses. They were all ears. “Never trust an Alpaca” said The Phantom knowledgeably, Persil nodded in agreement. Then they all wandered down to their watering hole where they spent the next couple of hours arguing over paddock politics.

August 16th

As I am obviously getting older I have absolutely no recollection of the last 2? Weeks since I wrote.
I know they happened as I checked the date above and compared it with the date below and had a near death experience. (minor heart attack)

What I do recall though was The House God’s trip to the vet which went as follows…
“He’s asthmatic” said the vet cheerfully.
“YOU WHAT?” roared Zeuss in between a bout of coughing, “Gods’ can’t be asthmatic! You’ll have me wearing glasses next and we all know what that leads to” he said, fixing the hapless vet with beady eye.
“What?” I said, “What does THAT lead to exactly Zeuss?”
“Planet NERD” he shouted.
I pointed out to him that not only I am asthmatic but I also wear glasses; “Would you say that I am a nerd?”
He looked me up and down and admitted that I wasn’t exactly as nerd “HOWEVER”, he roared, “YOU’RE NOT EXACTLY A GODDESS EITHER”.

 

Flossom started her new job today.
According to The House God; who put her up to it, she is now a fully qualified Conspiracy Fairy. He even organized a uniform for her.

Zeuss has been very unwell; he sat on his bed despondently and burped loudly.
I gave him a cuddle and could hear his stomach bubbling away like a spa bath.
“What on earth have you been doing Zeuss?” I asked, but he wasn’t talking.

“He’s got Travel sickness” said Flossom
“Travel sickness?”
“He’s into teletransportation” said Grommart, puffing out her chest and positively glowing with new-found knowledge. “He’s been teletransporting around the place all night”.
“Oh yeah?” I said, “Tell me, Grommart, what exactly IS teletransportation?”
Grommart looked at Flossom who pointed to the TV and mimed a pushing movement.
“Well,” said Grommart, “it’s when you move the television from point A to point B”.

Flossom nodded.
“So where exactly, has he been moving  the TV too?” I asked .
“Behind enemy lines” said Flossom importantly.

Flossom must have been listening in when I told Brent about my encounter with the Conspiracy Theorist.

August 2nd

I met a real live conspiracy theorist. I’ve never actually met one before – I mean I’d heard they existed but here he was informing me that the entire Chinese army was about to teleport themselves behind ‘enemy lines’.
Being China, this will likely be somewhere on a mountain in Tibet, I do hope they dress for it.