April 9th

Brent is away for a few days which is causing Flossom to become irrational and extremely cantankerous.

My cousin Phil stayed the night on his way back up North to star in a play.

Where as most of us seem destined to become more insignificant with age, it is becoming to Phil; he is moving into middle age with all the style and dignity or a great King. He has a kindly, tolerant and wise air about him which even the House God sensed.

Zeuss became extremely deferential and polite in Phil’s presence, not a smart word uttered, much to my relief.

Grommart sat on Phil’s knee and gazed up at him adoringly, and even Sticky, who is usually immune to the company of others, basked in Phil’s presence.

Only Flossom was unmoved.

“Who is that?” she demanded.

“It’s my cousin Phil”.

“Did HE eat Brent?” she asked, glaring at Phil.

April 10th

The Phantom and I rode out for a decent ride for the first time with his new boots.
Up till now I have been helping him wear them in slowly. He loves his boots and experiments with all kinds of nifty foot movements.

There’s no slowing down when he comes to gravel – for the first time in his life he just boldly goes where he’s never been before at a pace previously unheard of for him.

On the way back we met up with some horse trainers who were intrigued about the boots. Phantom showed them off by pawing the ground, then, he introduced himself to one of the guys, rather rudely, by biting his belt buckle, experimentally, like a large hairy shark.

“I was just testing his reflexes,” he said to me sulkily as I marched him home speechless, “Yours are better,” he added.

April 11th

Brent came home at last and not a moment too soon as Flossy has been impossible.

She has been rude, grumpy and demanding but the minute Brent walked in, she turned into a little furry Princess.

She followed him round adoringly and sat next to him while he ate his dinner, helping herself to a piece of smoked salmon here and there.

“Have you been busy”, asked Brent.
Flossy lifted a paw and carefully washed between her toes.
“I’m a busy cat”, she said.

There was a loud guffaw from the direction of Zeuss’s cushion. Flossom threw him  a withering stare before turning back to Brent and pressing her forehead into his cheek.
"I did, stuff”, she purred.

“You did stuff your face,” boomed Zeuss.

Grommart and Sticky rolled around the floor giggling hysterically.
In the interests of his ongoing Health and Safety, I thought it wise to remove Zeuss.

April 12th

Zeuss traipsed across the paddock this morning, dragging his bounty from what was, obviously, good nights’ hunting.

Badger Magoo, Tax Agent, was ready and waiting to collect.
“Thank YOU” said Badger, grabbing the rabbit from Zeuss’s grasp.
“OI!” yelled Zeuss, “You can’t do that”.
“Yes I can,” said Badger, “it’s called TAX”.

There was a tug of war which Badger, by far the bigger of the two, and being a dog, won.
She then placed it carefully on the ground beside her, daring Zeuss to snatch it back.
“I’m not playing your stupid games”, said Zeuss huffily; and he lay down pointedly ignoring her.

They lay together in the grass with the rabbit between them.
Suddenly a magpie flew by and Badger leapt up to chase it.
By the time she got back, there was no sign of the rabbit.

“Where did it go”, she asked Zeuss.
“I don’t know”, he said, sounding like he had a mouthful of cotton balls.

Badger looked at him suspiciously; he held his paws up and burped loudly. His belly was as round as a basketball.
“Where is the rabbit?” demanded Badger.

“What rabbit?” said Zeuss.
“The rabbit you had”.
“YOU had it”.
“Had what?”
“The rabbit”.
“What rabbit?”
“The rabbit you had”, said Zeuss.

Badger stared at her paws, utterly confused.
“Was there a rabbit?” she asked.
Zeuss looked at her, “Is there a Dog?” he replied.

April 13th

Jess came over for a ride today so we headed out with The Phantom and Nibbler.

Nibbler’s stupidity levels were running high and he was being a pain in the bum.
"GIRRLS!,” he roared, as he pranced past the mare paddock. The Phantom rolled his eyes and clopped on happily in his new boots.

All of a sudden Nibbler leapt out to the side, “COW BEHIND A TREE” he roared.
Jess, who as I may have mentioned, is a brilliant rider, just laughed and said it kept her awake; much needed after partying the night before .
Fortunately, The Phantom completely and gratifyingly ignored Nibbler; he was too busy enjoying the bouncy sensation of his boots.

As we popped the boys back into their paddock, I was very pleased to see The Phantom apologise profusely to Jess for being such a Gobshite while she was here over Easter.

“The Endophytes in the grass made me do it”, he explained. He’d been listening to me try to account for Nibblers revolting behaviour. “You should sue them”, he added thoughtfully.

April 14th

Brent’s Mother is here for a week.

Unlike My Mother, Brent’s Mother is very unobtrusive; I keep forgetting she is here. Suddenly I’ll look up and there she is, on the couch, covered in cats.

“They’re all so special,” she say; trying to pry Sticky off her chest, where is clinging like a limpet in a storm.

Flossom marched past and snarled.
“Oh dear”, said Brent’s Mother, “I’m afraid I’ve upset her, she has such a special way of letting you know”.

Suddenly, before I could stop him, Zeuss boomed, “The only thing special about Flossom, is her especially big ….” I grabbed him before he could finish and escorted him outside.
Flossom’s mood is foul enough without any encouragement from the House God.

 

April 15th

The day turned cold leaving four bored cats and Brent’s Mother, with little to do.
“What shall we do”, yowled Zeuss.
“We could play Scrabble,” said Brent’s Mother, who is very good at Grandmotherly things.
“Scrrrrabble,” said Zeuss thoughtfully, “Sounds good, I’ll start”.

And he took off around the room at the speed of light, flying up over the furniture, racing around the back of the T.V.; up on to the top of the fridge, with a spectacular leap onto the bench, finishing off by scrabbling round the back of the couch sideways.
He returned to his cushion, where he sat and casually washed a paw.

“Your turn,” he said, looking at Brent’s mother expectantly, adding, “I can’t wait to see this”.