August 1st
Here’s to the 1st of the month.
August 2nd
The House God redecorated our bed sheets and he wasn’t
very popular.
“Paw print is very IN these days”, he bawled
as he was marched off to the bathroom to wash his paws, “It’s
the new black”.
I dunked him firmly into the basin filled, as it was, with
warm soapy water.
“You should never mess with the designer”, he
shouted at me, “I spent years getting my degree”.
“Your ‘degree’ is in Comfortable Living”,
I said, adding, “I fail to see the connection with
graphic design”.
I dried each of his paws for him and carried him in to the
warm lounge settling him in his bed beside the heater. He
snuggled down and was asleep in about a minute.
Decorating takes a lot out of a designer.
August
3rd
I start teaching again tomorrow and I’m really looking
forward to it.
I’m going to teach the pencil challenged how to draw
stuff. It’s my favourite thing to teach.
I get to use my stern, yet caring expression, become famous
and get showered with wine, chocolate and accolades…or
that may have been in a dream I had.
August 4th 
I made some Falafal and then I made some Hummus with the
left-over chick peas.
You could make a terrible mistake in the Middle East thinking
you were turning up to a militant Hamas meeting, to plot
the next suicide bombing when in fact it turned out to be
a harmless meeting of housewives sharing chick pea recipes.
Imagine your surprise; I mean they are pronounced the same.
August 5th
The dogs have got a shouting competition going on.
They are competing with the neighbour’s dogs, whom;
it has to be admitted, are pretty good at it.
The minute a car goes by, both teams race out to compete
to see who can shout the most abuse at the occupants of the
car. The aim is to race the car along the fence lines.
Team Dingle, consisting of Partly Bluett and Bludger Magoo,
is in fine form. Partly though a master of vociferous abuse,
is too lazy to do much racing, but he’s loud enough
to be able to stand on the porch and abuse the passing cars
to great effect from there. Bludger, despite having only
3 legs, is certainly the fastest dog in the neighbourhood
and has a voice to match.
Team Tomes are experienced as well as loud. They have a
game plan and the backing of two goats.
The cats sit at the window placing bets.
August 6th
I’ve been busy ‘spook-proofing’ Karen’s
horse while she is in Las Vegas.
He is about as bold as a rabbit.
If anything moves behind the trees, he thinks it’s
probably a horse eating dinosaur. Things that flap in the
wind are obviously gigantic horse swallowing amoeba and large
signage is to be avoided at all cost – words can hurt.
By the end of today’s ride, which involved a shed
full of clucking chickens, flapping baleage wrap, huge tractors
working behind hedges and a couple of large chalk board signs;
Jamie was a very tired, much braver horse.
“Gawd”, he said to me as I groomed him, “the
flappy baleage wrap was bad enough but why oh why would anyone
erect a huge sign with the words VEGETABLES in large spooky
lettering on the side of the road?”
August 7th
We had not one, but two fine days!
This gave the horses some respite from having to wear
their wet weather clobber.
They were able to go nude in
the sunshine.
The Phantom immediately covered himself in
as much mud as he possibly could, and still resemble a
horse shape.
I asked him what he thought he was doing.
“Well, its embarrassing isn’t it”, he
said.
“What’s embarrassing?”
“Being in the nude”.
“You what?”
“Well, I mean, you’ve always
got clothes on haven’t you.”
“Phantom, you’re a horse”.
He thought about that for a minute, then looked at me
out of one large brown eye and pressed his nose against
mine. “Well, in that case”, he said, “I
have nothing further to say”.
“What do you mean you have nothing further to say?”
“Erm, helloooo, I’m a horse aren’t I?”
I tickled his nose and gave him a kiss. “Of course
you are,” I said as I wandered back inside.
