Site Disclaimer

The Riot Diaries is committed to avoiding litigation in all areas other than defamation. With the recent explosion of negligence claims in the court, we have received legal advice to include a more specific warning with The Riot Diaries for protection against liability for risks that plaintiff lawyers might say we should have foreseen.
Before proceeding further, all readers are asked to cheerfully read the following warning, which lists some of the risks that may be associated with reading The Riot Diaries.

Pre-warning warning:
The following warning may take some time to review. The Riot Diaries recommend that before starting you sit down, very carefully, in a comfortable and safe environment.

Maintain good posture at all times while reading, and take regular breaks for food, exercise and chocolate as required or as directed by your doctor; being careful not to overindulge - The Riot Diaries remains blissfully ignorant of any stomach upset or weight gain occuring while reading.

While every effort has been made to be comprehensive, there may be some eventualities which are not specifically referred to below. Readers are invited to submit any risks which are not listed below to partly_bluett@cathydee.com

Warning:
To avoid any damage to the eyes when reading The Riot Diaries, make sure your computer is switched on. If the light is inadequate, check that your screen is also switched on.

It is not impossible that some form of aggressive insect or other dangerous projectile could come into contact with your eyes while reading The Riot Diaries. Goggles or other forms of protective eyewear are therefore recommended, provided they are made from shatter-proof glass and comply with New Zealand Standard AZ44244763LFD4. In case of falling debris it is recommended a safety helmet that complys with the New Zealand standards authority EZ3364775829904K96 be worn at all times.

Shin Pads and mouth protectors are optional but are recommended while reading The Riot Diaries.

Readers should consider the political environment before downloading or reading The Riot Diaries. Use of The Riot Diaries is not recommended in places ruled by foreign regimes that restrict freedom of speech, or the West Coast of the South Island.

If reading The Riot Diaries on a lap top or ipad at the beach, avoid consuming excessive amounts of alcohol and swimming, whether between the flags or otherwise, in areas which may result in shark bite. Also apply sunscreen at regular intervals, The Riot Diaries will not be responsible for any form of wrinkling or sagging skin caused while reading articles written by The Riot Diaries.

Do not read The Riot Diaries while being attacked by a shark, it is strongly advised that in these circumstances you should stop reading and swim like crazy. Use of bouyant arm bands and a strong shark repellent is recommended when in the water with or without The Riot Diaries.

Do not read The Riot Diaries while driving. Do not read The Riot Diaries in a car which has all doors and windows closed and is exposed to direct sunlight or other heat. If leaving an infant unattended in a locked car, do not leave The Riot Diaries with the child or anywhere near the car.

Do not commit suicide immediatly before during or after reading The Riot Diaries.A waiting period of at least 5 days is reccommended.

If any part of The Riot Diaries causes disagreement between you and any other person, the editors recommend that disputes be resolved without recourse to violence. If a dispute concerning a Riot Diary cannot be resolved without physical aggression, combatants are advised to fight only at locations that have valid and paid-up public liability insurance and/or in playgrounds administered by the Department of Education or other public body. Fights should be conducted in the presence of an NZQA qualified referee and with medical help readily available. No biting, scratching, punching, stabbing, shooting or kicking.

In the unlikely event that you are caused to laugh while reading The Riot Diaries, even if it is because of something unconnected with the content of the web site, readers are advised to laugh in moderation. Laughing persons should take special care to ensure that their sides remain intact and should urgent medical attention if any signs of splitting develop. Do not read The Riot Diaries if either you or a relative has previously died from laughing.

Once downloaded and printed, The Riot Diaries are flammable. Do not set fire to your copy of The Riot Diaries, whether with a match, cigarette lighter, soaking it in petrol, rubbing two or more sticks together, shining a magnifying glass on a particular little spot or by storing your copy of The Riot Diary in a hangi pit.

If you choose to smoke while reading your copy of The Riot Diary, the publishers accept no responsibility for any loss or damage arising to you in exercising that choice. Never attempt to use The Riot Diaries to extinguish a fire. If your copy of The Riot Diaries catches fire, please return it by placing the flaming copy, together with a stamped self-addressed envelope to the person from whom you acquired your copy.

Children should be restrained at all times.

The humorous material contained within The Riot Diaries is prepared by experts and placed in a particular context to render it safe for domestic use. Removing particular jokes and attempting to use them in any other format, whether by repeating them to another person or using them in another publication may cause embarrassment, social awkwardness, long, difficult-to-manage pauses and the perception amongst others that you are a bit of an over-educated leftie tosser.

The Riot Diaries are not designed to be used as a parachute. Any similarity between the design of The Riot Diaries and a parachute is merely coincidental. We will not be held responsible for any plummeting into the earth which occurs whilst holding your lap top above your head and jumping from a plane.

The Riot Diaries should not be used as a substitute for education, even for those attending public, second rate Catholic or Seventh Day Adventist schools. Reading The Riot Diaries does not eliminate the need for proper education and may actually increase this need. Failure to complete homework due to the reading of The Riot Diaries is not our fault. Any lack of reading or writing ability which occurs later in life is entirely the fault of the reader. The Department of Education in your country should be sued for this fault and not the proprietors of The Riot Diaries nor those who shield The Riot Diaries proprietors’ assets.

The Riot Diaries should not be used in place of a properly qualified medical doctor. Nor should it be read to airline passengers in place of warnings regarding the fastening and releasing of seatbelts.
Avoid any persons who claim that The Riot Diaries can be made into a trampoline. If made into a trampoline we will not take any responsibility .

The Riot Diaries assumes absolutely no responsibility for the birth of any children conceived within 6 hours of reading the report.

Avant-garde fashion designers should not use The Riot Diaries in the design of their clothes. We will not be held responsible for any loss of earnings or reputation which result from the inability of your audience to understand that your use of our daggy newspaper was meant to be a post-modern ironic statement.

Do not shred The Riot Diaries and use it as confetti. The Riot Diaries will not be held responsible for any kitschness which may occur at weddings or other ceremonies which utilize The Riot Diaries as confetti. We make no guarantees as to the longevity of any marital unions formed whilst using The Riot Diaries in any part of the ceremony whether as decorations or in place of a purpose built drop-sheet or in place of the Holy Bible.

The Riot Diaries warns against the reading of large tracts of small text. We will not be held responsible for poor eyesight and the purchase of a pair of expensive and quite frankly ugly looking glasses that make you look like Woody Allen.

I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTOOD THE ABOVE TEXT AND AGREE TO ABIDE BY ITS TERMS AND CONDITIONS (Nod if you agree)

I DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS (Nod if you do not agree)