May 1st

It’s getting cold now which means the bed is getting crowded at night.

Flossom and Brent take up most of the bed space.

“We really are going have to get a bigger bed,” I moaned to Zeuss as we lay listening to Flossom snoring loud enough to be mistaken for a Harley Davidson.

“Or, “ said Zeuss, “You could get a smaller cat”.

2nd May

The winter weather has set in.
After a beautiful morning, during which I had removed all the horses’ covers, a thunder storm suddenly ripped in and dumped a load of hail with it.

The horses stood pathetically shivering way down the opposite end of the paddock and made no attempt to come up when I called them.

It was up to me to trudge down to the end of the paddock, lugging three heavy canvas covers, battered by hail stones the size of plums.
I made it and rugged each of the horses in turn, dusting the hail off their rumps first, as the thunder boomed and the lightening lit up the sky in spectacular fashion.

“Brrrr” said Persil, “we were wondering how long it would take you to get down here”.
“I won the bet”, said The Phantom happily, “Exactly 5 minutes and 45 seconds before you could be arsed getting out here to rug us up”.

I turned to make my way back up the paddock only to notice that the storm had moved away. The hail had stopped, the sun was breaking through and the wind had died down.

All three horses accompanied me back to the house.
“SO, um, covers off now is it?” said the Phantom.
I glared at him and stomped into the house. As I did I heard Persil say gleefully, “Er that would be a NOOO, Phantom”.

The cats had all been watching from the bay window in the lounge. “Great show”, said Zeuss, “however we all felt it lacked a little on the dramatic side”.
“The lighting was very good,” said Sticky,
“I loved the sound the sound effects”, the ever positive Grommart chimed in.
“Is it half time yet?” said Flossom, “I’m famished”.

3rd May

We had Erana and Jason round for dinner and I cooked.
There was a flurry of txt messages as I was cooking.

Having already established that they don’t eat fish of any kind, I was busy flinging piles of mushrooms into my vegetable lasagna when I got a txt from Erana…DID I MENTION OUR AVERSION TO MUSHROOMS?

I spent the next ten minutes fossocking around picking about 150 mushrooms out.

When they arrived, they received a thorough cat scan from Flossom, who then spent the entire night perched in various places staring intently at Brent.

“What is she doing?” I managed to whisper to Zeuss.
“She thinks they might take Brent home with them”, he whispered back.

4th May

Grommart has a new name – Pious G.

She has become a fundamentalist self righteous pain in the bum after meeting a strange cat who told her the world was about to end.

She now believes there is about to be a ‘revelation’ in which all the Righteous Dog believing cats will be swept up to a place of soft cushions, warmth and never ending roast chicken dinners while the other non-believers will remain living a life filled with rabbit flavoured jellymeat, which as any cat will tell you, tastes nothing like the real thing.

Grommart is completely swept away with it all. I shouldn’t be surprised, she always has been a cat of very little brain who tends to be easily led, but this is getting ridiculous.

“From now on”, she announced, “there will be no cussing in this house”.
“What?” said Zeuss, “not even the ‘F’ WORD?”
“Especially not the ‘F’ WORD” yelled Grommart.
Zeuss and Sticky looked at each other and smirked, and then looked at Flossom.
“What shall we call her now then?” said Zeuss.