(Photographer’s Edition)

2025 Card designed for GAP (Greyhounds as Pets)

Ahhh, Christmas cards. That glorious annual tradition where you suddenly realize you’ve spent your entire year photographing everyone else’s pets looking like sparkling Hallmark adverts—and yet your own card list is a tragic graveyard of unmailed intentions.

Fear not, my fellow shutterbugs, because I’ve hacked the system. Here’s how to make Christmas cards that are memorable, funny, and don’t look like you bribed your own pets with feather wands, squeaky toys and vague threats of swapping them out for a Banana.

One of my cats - Bjork NuttyMouse the name says it all.

Step 1: Accept Chaos as Your Co-Photographer

You think you’re going to get that picture-perfect pet shot?

Think again. Cats will jump out of the frame, Dogs will press their sponge-like noses right into the camera lens and horses will decide that being a clown is more in their genre than looking like the noble beast of war.

The nuttier the photo, the more authentic the Christmas cheer.

Apparently...

My own horse Zephyr, has no shame. Clearly.

Step 2: Lean Into the Awkward

The cat sneezes, the dog flips upside down and the horse – well, the horse (at least my horse) thinks imitating my smile is clearly the look of the day. Perfect. The more awkward, the more people will keep your card on the fridge well into March.

Two horses being silly — Two of my horses - Marshall Art & Zephyr

Step 3: Photoshop Is Your Friend, But Don’t Get Carried Away

Sure, you can swap out heads, smooth fur, and even replace the players in The Last Supper with your entire family including pets - but remember: the charm is in the imperfections.

Let that patch of mud on your horse’s rump be worn as his fashion accessory, let the drool flow as your dog keenly awaits the treat he knows is coming, allow the cat, well, anything he wishes to do; he’s a cat.

That’s Christmas truth.

Step 4: Add Captions That Do the Heavy Lifting

A photo says a thousand words, but a caption says, “Feck this, I want my TREAT.”

I love a good statement.
Most of all I love a hilarious statement, something that works so well with those pets of the most serious disposition.

Christmas card for GAP — Another card I designed for GAP for their 2025 Xmas card range

Step 5: Remember the Real Reason

Christmas cards are not about perfection. They’re about passive-aggressively proving to your extended family that rumours of your demise are just that - you are, in fact, still alive and functioning. And as a photographer, it’s your one chance to flex your skills for your own benefit.

This is your NZ Cup Final.
Your Oscars.
Your annual reminder that yes, you do know how to use Photoshop masks and layers properly.

Bonus Tip: Outsource if All Else Fails

Worst-case scenario?
Grab a glass, pour yourself some eggnog, and slap a stock photo of Santa surfing on your card.
Sign it “Love, The Smiths.”
Nobody will question it.